In Memory of my Dad

On the 4th of march 2008 at 11:30am my Dad died.  He had a 5 year battle with cancer. 

I wasn't real close to my Dad in my adult years. We had very different views on some things and I let that put distance between us. I blamed him for some of the weaknesses I struggled with and judged him for some decisions he made that I didn't understand. I really struggled to tell him that I loved him.

In the last year or so of his life I realised that I needed to sort things out so I spent some time just me and him talking a few things over. I asked him to forgive me for the way I had shut myself off from him emotionally. I also shared with him about the weaknesses we had in common. That day was a real watershed for me and every time I spoke to him from that day until he died I told him I loved him. It was like the years of distance between rolled away and I began to embrace the good in my Dad again.

Don't let anyone in your family pass from this life without making your peace with them. You will regret it and that makes for very messy grief.

I wanted to share my reflections of Dad that I read out at the funeral......

My Dad had a shed that was like a young boy’s heaven. Any bits and pieces you needed to make any number of contraptions could be found in Dad’s shed. I loved going in there and rummaging around in the drawers and boxes to look for treasures.

Dad was really good with his hands and he always managed to make things with the resources he had. He made many items of furniture, improvements to the house and the yard, and cubby houses when we were growing up.

When I look at my Dad’s hands I see my hands, and I too have inherited his enjoyment in making and building things. He took the time to teach me about wood working and electronics. I watched and learnt and worked with him. Not long before Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2003 we built a bed together as a gift for Laura.

Dad’s memory will live on in my thoughts but his legacy will live on through my own hands, and I embrace now all those things we have in common. Some of which are a love for the outdoors, camping, building stuff, and all things remote controlled.

Dad also taught me by example that Chivalry is not dead. He knew how to treat a lady and treated Mum with respect, dignity and honour.

The greatest gift he gave me was to point me towards our creator and heavenly father. So much of the character and nature of our creator God was revealed through my dad. He was creative, compassionate, giving, forgiving, long suffering, faithful and devoted.

Because we are created in God’s image, each of us has the ability to reveal His character in creation. The choice is ours. My Dad chose to reflect that image as best he could and he did what God asks of us… to connect with the good in creation and be the hands and feet of Christ to those around us. Some days I follow that example.

So… over the last few days of Dad’s life as I sat with him in the stillness and quietness I was able once again to reflect on what is really important and what Dad really contributed in this life. I believe his greatest contribution was to point people to Jesus through his lifestyle.

And now the Creator who holds the world in His hands now holds the hand of my Dad and says to him “Well done good and faithful servant enter in to the joy of your Lord”

I Love you Dad.

The Land of Confusion

After my last blog entry I was tested on my journey of listening to the Master's voice.  I had a couple of weeks where I began to get really mixed up in my head over some important decisions and some direction.  

I couldn't fall back on my usual source of trusted advice because my trusted advisor was the one asking me to make a decision.  

I'm on this journey, and one blog entry doesn't make me an expert on listening to the Master. So I was left in this no-mans-land with a maelstrom of voices in my head all shouting their opinions.  As days went by I became more and more troubled and confused.

Then my beautiful wife came to my rescue.  She felt I was being troubled by a spirit of confusion. So right there and then we prayed and took authority over confusion.  We acknowledged together that...

 

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4,5  

and 

"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12.  

I acknowledged that I had allowed the enemy to have a field day in my mind, and through prayer and declaration of those verses over the next few days clarity and peace returned.

I realised that the battlefield of my mind is one I have not paid much attention to at times and there's some old thought patterns and learnt behaviors there that need to be dealt with.  So I've been taking stock of my thoughts and bringing them captive, taking back some of the ground that I have let slip away, and now the Master's voice is becoming clearer again.

Last week on my way home from work I was having a conversation with my Heavenly Father and asking Him to show me what He wanted me to do.  The next 3 mornings He spoke to me through three dreams. All relating to each other. Now I don't usually remember anything I dream about, but I woke much later than usual those mornings and the dreams were so clear that I am in no doubt that God was speaking to me.

Now whether I ever remember a dream again remains to be seen, but I believe that taking authority over the enemy and taking thoughts captive created an environment in which God could use my mind to speak to me.  Even more importantly I believe that winning in the battlefield of my mind is a crucial part of my journey to freedom.

"Once more into the breach dear friends"

The Master's Voice

It's been a while since my first post but believe me there's been lots happening on my journey.

For some months now I've been on a journey of discovery, kind of an awakening I guess.  So I thought I might share a bit about my thoughts on who I'm learning to listen to.

I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to be introduced to my Heavenly Father at a young age.  I am thankful for my Godly parents who led me to Jesus.  Where I think it all got a little messed up was in organised church....

I'm not blaming anyone in particular but I somehow developed this idea that Pastors and Leaders had some kind of direct line to the Father that I didn't, and because they must be more 'spiritual' than me then they would be able to help me make the right decisions or give me direction. But quite often those people let me down or counselled me with their own interest in mind.  I also had this incorrect belief that if the 'Man of God' said it then it must be right. Sometimes even followed along as a loyal and faithful church member even when I felt uncomfortable about what I was hearing and seeing.  

Now I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water here so don't panic.  I do believe that there is wisdom in good counsel and that there are people ahead of me on the journey that can be a source of encouragement and help me with direction, but I was neglecting something far more important....

The Creator of the universe restored me to Himself so I could have a vibrant intimate relationship with Him.  And that includes being able to go to Him for my direction first and then Him speaking to me.

I look at it like this...  Say you were introduced to someone new at a friends house and you both really connected in conversation. Then before going home you said, "Hey I really enjoyed chatting with you a little, and I'd be keen to spend more time getting to know you, can we hook up again soon?" But your new friend answered, "Well that sounds great but I'm not usually available for direct conversations so if you talk to Peter over there he'll ask me anything you want and then he'll get back to you with my answers".  That would be kind of weird wouldn't it!

I'm discovering that the Father is not like that at all.  He's waiting for me, He longs to share every moment on the journey with me.  He knows and understands my questions better than anyone, His motives are pure and He cares so deeply for me.

The exciting part for me is that He has been speaking to me, and I'm learning to listen to His voice.  He's leading and guiding me. We're beginning to have regular conversations, and the more I'm understanding his incredible love for me as a son, the more I feel us getting closer.